shadowland of the angels

enjoying the last day in college

2005-12-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

everyone is so happy that at last we don't need to think about critical thinking anymore .... well .. that's why .. we were somewhat carried away .. and then .... ahahah all became psycho students

i like this picture ... :P
see my pooh bear tie ? he he he i like it so much !!

silly yet meaningful pictures

2005-11-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

HMC first ever ball night

2005-11-12T14:47:00.000+08:00

Starlight rendezvous ... That was the theme for this first annual ball brought to us by Help Matriculation Center . What do I think about it ??? .... To tell the truth, in the scale of one to ten, I might only get 6 .

needless to say, the food wasn't touched much since no one feel like eating a whole lot ( we aren't pigs), no one want to stuff their stomach full. Luckily I don't have to act like a doll and eat little, so whatever they serve, at least I get to taste .... Just not the shark fins. Though most of the time, artificial shark fins are served, but still .... It always reminds me of the picture on the discovery channel where those sharks that were captured for their fins get thrown back into the sea and left to death due to massive blood loss. Imagine, how cruel it is, and we are enjoying it like they are supposed TIA be treated this way, I just cannot do that !!! It's inhumane ... What happens to the theory where human should live in harmony with their environment ?? Deprive them of their lives means harmony ?? I don't think so.

gosh ... Sorry ... I strayed from my topic, well continue .... The nice part during the dinner is that I don't need to take food for myself ... ahaha someone willingly serve me :p ..... So gentleman .... Well most of the time, when I go for dinner, someone will serve me though ... Sometimes the waiter just stands there and serve me ... So not counted ... Whatever ..... So .... All through the ball, we have bands playing some noisy songs ( Janeiro and Edwin keep on criticizing about it ... But I think the first band was okay .. The drummer performs quite well) then ... There is this girl who performs ballet ( jamir said she's too big in size for a ballerina), following, is a cha cha performing .... This was the best part ... Both of them perform very very well ... Though I can't see clearly .... Because edwin's head keep on blocking me. So I gave up ... And look at Jason ( miss winnie's son) instead ... He is so adorable ... Because he dance along with them !!! ahaha

Aften all ten course had been served ... The ball finishes .... And everyone's camera started flashing ( because that's picture time !!!) weird .... I don't know why .. But I just don' t feel like taking too much picture ... That might be because of my introvert part ... And another thing would be because I am worried about the time !!! It's running late .. And I don't want dad to be waiting for me ... That would be very very bad of me to keep him staying awake ... However, the picture sessions still goes on for an hour and a half .... So then ... I took quite a bunch of pictures also ... I look stupid and unreal though ... ( low self-esteem kicking in ) ahahha ..... However, all in all ... It's quite a memorable night ... Because everyone enjoys themselves ....

P/s: I forgot to state that, sway boon ( that sweet looking girl in my class .. hehehe ) she won the title of the first prom queen ... YEAH !!!!!

Understanding teenagers

2005-10-25T09:48:00.000+08:00

My group was asked to do a project on this topic , but I don't really know where to start. Since I am also in my teens, so I am also a teenager right ? Therefore, should I start understanding myself before getting to know, or trying to think of others ?

I suppose I should do so, since almost all teenagers behave in the same way at this stage of life where we all faces problems from all aspects of life, ranging from family, love, friends, financial to studies. How unfortunate for us, teenagers living in this era to cope with life when everyday, the world is changing and moving on in a face pace. We were left stranded in the middle, confused, not knowing what to do and where do we start, not to mention how. At such a tender age, our brain hasn't yet develop fully so we might think a little differently from the adults, but this doesn't seem a good enough excuse for the adults when they found out that we have done something wrong. We will be judge according to the society's standard of ethical conduct, which needless to say, are a set of rules and regulations agreed upon by ADULTS ....... How frustrating it is for us to try and think like an adult when in truth, we haven't the ability to do so ? Even then, we have tried so hard just to please all those giants in the society by being obedient, without considering much about our own feelings, however, in return all we get would be just another disapproval or discouraging comment. To teenagers, the longing for parental recognition is so intense that, they at times, are willing to do anything in the world so as to get a few words of praise. But it would be too much to asked for most of the time, and when they does praise, the world, in the eye of a teenager, seemed suddenly brightened with all sorts of colors, they can hear the birds chirping and the cow would jump over the moon( not literary though).

Setting that aside, there are still problems with friends where we wanted to belong to a group, to feel accepted because we don't like being isolated and odd out, getting that treatment would be the most traumatizing experience for all of us- teenagers. Due to the need to be in a group, teenagers would sometimes do crazy things, to the extent of violating the law, all because they wanted to be the in-group. That is when things would go awry;when they didn't think before they act, terrible consequences that proves fatal would result. Of course those attitudes are by all means terrible and not encouraged to be adopted by teenagers, but thinking back, I wonder where do they learn all those acts from ? It is very unlikely that terrible idea such as murder would just struck their mind without societal influences whatsoever.

Meanwhile, not all teenagers behaved badly, there are still a majority that knew how to conduct their behavior in an acceptable manner; they have a clear conscience and they behave well most of the time. That's because they knew their responsibilities well as a teenagers; they are the leaders of tomorrow, and they wouldn't ruin their future because of some silly decision that was made at the heat of the moment. Certainly, there are times when they will be a little rebellious, but that doesn't mean the they are very bad, when comparing to juvenile offenders. A little fights they put up with their parents is inevitable considering when they are at this age of confusion, and well .... Let's face it ! Even adults wouldn't just obey meekly to everything they were told to do, right ? So then, why do adults expect complete obedience from teenagers? If we were to obey hundred percent to what they say, then what's the use of giving us education ? Aren't education a means of aiding us to think and then react to situations according to our own perception ? Well sadly, for the most part of our society, parents still hold to the believe that children should be seen but not heard ... Bravo, see what has it lead us to - total frustration. Because of the building frustration, we gave up trying to communicate with our parents, but later on, we were blamed for NEVER trying to communicate with them.

In conclusion, we- teenagers more often then not get blamed for whatever that went wrong in this stage of our lives. This has been a rather tiring journey for us, striving hard to get recognition, love,and guidance. Sometimes, all we want is a little support form our parents and friends .... So please, be a little more UNDERSTANDING towards us - teenagers.

2005-10-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

penelope

2005-10-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

don't know since when ...... i started collecting all this computer graphics, i just like those images too much ..... i fancy them because they look so perfect ..... and nice to draw ( even thought i never manage to make them as perfect as it seem to be here)

Tragic day

2005-10-14T08:15:00.000+08:00

just like every morning, i woke up early and spend an hour getting ready ( it's not that i'm extremely slow, it's just that i feels so sleepy, i practically am sleep walking to the toilet, brush my teeth and change into my clothes), well so don't blame me for my slowness....... he he he he

continue with my story then, i finish breakfast then head to the train station as usual ....... then, out of the blue, when i was scanning my touch n go card, they indicate that my remaining credit is insufficient, and i wasn't alowed to pass. Worst of all, the machine lets out a loud warning beep ( as if i'm not embarrassed enough already !!!), so those passers-by keep on turning their head and look at me.... ( their curious glance makes me feels like some idiot who doesn't know how to use a card) ..... sadly the trouble doesn't stop there !!! after i top up the card, it still remains unuseable...... how FRUSTRATING !!!!!

P/S: with such a depressed feeling, i doubt whether i will do well in english mid-term this afternoon......

geisha, a life

2005-09-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Geisha, a life is a life story of a reknown giesha in a place called Gion Kobu. Reading this book had not been that much of a pleasure, as the description on those proceedings of a geisha's work are some what dull. While in other aspects, the author wrote briefly on the happenings.

The main reason i am not into this book, is due to the different opinions i had in life with the author's. She emphasis on self pride till the extent that she never will admit when she is wrong, most of the time, she take pride in herself so much ...... its unbearable. Forgive me, i am not very tolerant with people that held their nose high all the time ,( bet the nose can touch the sky already) . Considerable amount of self pride is of course important, but not too much, or one would be turned into someone that is disrespectful of other's feelings, and this is the worst friend that one would want to have !!! Imagine having a friend that would remark at you, saying something like : " how could you eat this ? ( a food prepared by your mother) It looks revolting, like a puddle of feces!" I am sure no one wouldn't be offended by such a remark. However, that's what someone with extreme self pride and no sense of respect will do.

Maybe , i might be too critical of the author's personality, but nonetheless, i am merely voicing out my opinion. Because, the first thought that struck me when i am reading this book, is that how unbearable she is !!!

I am aware that i had always tried to conceal my feelings in public, so writing is the only way i could vent out my frustrations on things i dislike, haaahha .... sorry it sounds so serious, actually , its more like .... honesty isn't always favorable, so somethings are meant to be kept a secret. Luckily for me, so far, i've only met people who are pleasant. There are one or two blacksheep i met in the leadership camp, but i have forgotten about it, i am not one who likes to pick faults on people...... so as long as i keep my optimistic view of the world, my life is pleasant, as it has always been.

The colour of emptiness

2005-09-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

What is the colour of emptiness ? According to my understanding, it is a feeling of being sad and lonely because nothing seems to have any value. besides, it is also used to indicate that there is nothing or nobody in a place, an empty space.

However, the word emptiness has a very wide range of meaning. Different people would have different perception of it. For example, emptiness could have meant the absence of feelings. Thus, the word emptiness is a vague word.

Nonetheless, all the definitions provided for the word tends to be of the negative side, giving me a gloomy feeling just thinking over that word. Therefore, I would say that to me, the colours of emptiness is black. Being the darkest of all the colours, black signifies the power of darkness, accompanied by the feeling of sadness, hollowness, and loneliness.

Futhermore, people then to have the preconcieved notion that when a place is pitch black, it is empty. In most cases, this were proved to be true. Since a darken room most likely will appear to be empty or deserted.

After carefully evaluating the meanings of emptiness in my opinion, I feels that black colour is the best option to represent my idea of emptiness.

critical thinking

2005-09-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was asked to define the meaning of realtionship in my critical thinking. But, i find it hard to answer such a question because, i myself are not very good on this particular matter.

According to the dictionary, relationship means the way in which two or more poeple are connected. It could also be indicating the way in which two or more people or groups behave towards each other. Besides, i could also means a loving and sexual association between two people.

So, after processing this information, what do I understand about this word??? Frankly, i think this is a vague word. The meaning of it could have been anything, since everyobe have got a different perception of it. The descriptions provided by a dictionary are merely the publisher's point of view agreed by the majority of the society.

Relationship, what do i understand about this word??? In my opinion, it is a bond, a connection between a human being with another human being, enabling them to be interconnected with each other in one way or another. Is this the correct ?? Or does it sound the same as what the dictionary mentioned?? Maybe they are the same, howevere, i was asked to express its meaning using my own language, thus i have no choice but to repeat the whole thing with a little modification of my own creation.

you must have think it is a waste of time right ?? wasting my time typing this stupid things out. Well i thought the same, but who cares ?? I have a right to type !!!

Troublesome day

2005-06-25T00:04:00.000+08:00

I had had a very unfortunate day ... Partly because of my carelessness .

Normally on Thursday, our class would end very early ,as there is only two class to attend I could get back a eleven. But normally, I will dwell in the main campus until around one o'clock since I have to wait for sis to finish her class which ends at two . That's why I wanted to arrange for transport home on Thursday, and I manage to ask one of my friend to send me home.

However, much to my dismay that guy suddenly change his plan and wanted to stay back !!! I was so upset , I had already told my mum the previous night that I am going home with friends , so she is not going to wait for me at the station !

To make matters worst , I have no means of communication because my phone runs out of battery I have no choice but to try my luck by going to meet my sister at the LRT station near her school. I ended up reaching there earlier than supposed, so I waited for an hour . I sense something wrong since I don't see much student coming out of the school , in desperate I search for some coins by asking some stranger for a change , then I call my sister . Only then , I get to know that she too was staying back !!! What a coincidence !!!

So I ended up waiting for another one and a half hour before finally getting back home, by then its already late in the afternoon.

Beginning a new phase in life

2005-05-02T00:27:00.000+08:00

As we grew older , many things started to change , such as our own personality that is taking shape ... Making everyone of us a unique person in one way or another , however ... Sometimes persons with totally different personality that was being placed together might proves to be a big catastrophe .

That is what I am worried of ... Since I am alone in this whole new environment , I do not know what kind of person I would encounter ... Just like what others said before , college live would be totally different from those of secondary live ... Because it would be more complicated , and realistic , so ... Honestly I don't know what to expect . But certainly , I hope I would have an enjoyable time in that new college .

Bad driving skills

2005-04-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Well ... bad news , I failed my driving test . It's quite a nightmare for me actually , waiting for my turn all the time , plus the building tensions .... Thus ,I failed

Not much things to be said ... I hope for better luck next time

Trip to the National Park

2005-03-22T13:46:00.000+08:00

At last! I get to go to the National Park ... I've wanted to go there for ages, since I liked the forest. Well, and it turns out that it’s really a superb vacation for us all ... though I might have even rather an extreme sport for daddy. Overall, the place is really nice; I hope we could plan for another trip there later on.

It’s really lovely to have such experience such as jungle tracking, cave climbing, rapid shooting, and visiting to the aborigine’s village. Huh! Though doing all these took all my energies away ... Especially the cave climbing.

Basically the cave climbing is very enjoyable ... except that, sice the hand was needed to keep a firm grip on the stones all the time, well in the process ... the hands would be covered with bats droppings as well.... so, the expedition cause us all coming out smelling like... well you get the idea... its gross. Due to the size of the cave, we were also acquired to squat down and crawl most of the time ... therefore, I get the feeling that we were doing gymnastics in the cave, just imagine bunch of people doing gymnastic in a narrow cave, how hilarious! He he ...

For the jungle tracking, well its tiring ... since I’m not really fit, I always get D for my physical fitness test. However, it feels really great when I get to the top ... I get to prove to myself that I could do it too! Though it takes me more time than the others to accomplished it....

Well I really hope to go for similar vacation sooner ...

Trapped within a cage

2005-01-21T01:46:00.000+08:00

I feels so bored and frustrated with my tuition work , I just don't know what to do ........ Even worst when those kids are not making any improvement . I don't like to take the money for nothing , but they don't seem to show any effort towards learning , that's why they makes my day even worst . Mostly I feels sorry for them , having tuition at such a tender age , I don't remember needing tuition classes until I am in form 3 ......... I am not sure how will they survive in a Chinese primary school that basically have 10 homework per day ........

Moreover , with my dreams crushed ........... I was left with little hope about my future .......... So maybe that's the reason I am feeling sort of down and unhappy .

I cannot really talk to anyone about my fears and my thoughts just too confused .......... I wanted to chat with yee yin but see is busy with her college life , I figure she have got lots of problems of her own , why go and burden her with mine ??? So the only way is to say it out loud here ............

Five people I meet in heaven

2005-01-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

Well after reading the book by Mitch Album , I wonder who will I meet in heaven . Lets see ...... First one would be mom , then dad , then sis , two more who else ? Hope I won't be seeing any of my teachers , well since I am never a bright student there is no use to be reminded of my not so happy school life when I kick the bucket .

It is a fascinating idea of heaven , and of life . We never knows that some times , the decision we makes or the moves we take may affect other people , even a total stranger might be affected .............. Even though we may not realize it , but I really believe that humans are actually related to one another I some way ........ May be that's why we were taught to be good ever since we were born .

My experience as a tuition teacher

2005-01-04T21:52:00.000+08:00

The idea that being a tuition teacher had never occurred to me until the very second I was really teaching someone ............ Well how shall I put it ???????? The feeling of being a teacher is somewhat foreign to me , first of all I was never that mature thinking .

Secondly , those little monster are very very pampered , they cannot behave like a decent human being at all ! Most of the time , they will be screaming at the top of their voice ........ It is a miracle that they do not get sore throat . The screaming really cause me to have headache , how terrible ................. Gosh do I hope that they could at least learn how to control their voice a little . Though they would be great if trained to be tenor .

So conclusions are that I hate being their teacher , I wish I could continue my study as fast as possible . Maybe then I could get my life back on track , since my life have be upside down for quite a while now .

Phantom of the opera

2004-12-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

That movie is really worth watching ! :) very nice .......... Is a very successful musical . It is very seldom that a musical film was produced and could get good response form the audience . Considering that not much crowd enjoys and appreciate a musical .

The actor and actress did an excellent job . The voice of Christine Daae is not that of Charlotte Church but still she had a style of her own , bringing out the feelings of the song ....... hmmmmmmm very very nice . While the phantom himself looks rather handsome actually ........ He had a very very strong voice , I like him although not better than josh gorban of course . Josh gorban is the most talented and handsome classical singer , his Italian look is so attractive , his eyes seem to have a special glow ............ I like his eyes .

ah ........ Well conclusion the movie is worth it. Best of all was that I don't need to pay for the movie anyway , its Allen who paid it since he promised to treat me to a movie after spm .

Opppsssssss ............. I am fired

2004-12-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

Surprise !!!!!! I am fired ... hahahhahah ........ Well not really fired , its just that I finished the work I am supposed to do , that's why I am free to go !!!!!! YES!!!!!

Still have no idea how much am I going to get , but well I bet it isn't much ........... Consider what a lousy office girl I am ................. : ( aih .......................... How useless ......... Anyway I learned a lot , at least I get to know how to type in data I guess , the work sounds extremely boring right ? hehhehehe lucky I finished it in a week , if not I will surely die of boredom .

Well and the best news of all is that , I am so free now .......... I am allowed to maybe go genting if everything went well ........... So now I have got to pray hard . HEHEEH and play hard ..... Just like what all of them had been saying.

2004-12-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

They are all going Genting next week ....................... Not that I liked going there much ......... But its the feeling of going somewhere with a gang of friends that I fancy. I never had much chance of going out with friends , not to mention a trip to somewhere that far .................. That is somewhat impossible for me .
I just wan know what's is it like to go somewhere far with my friends ................... I just want to proof to myself I am not the baby sister anymore , I could take care of myself , I am able to handle things on my own .
Futhermore , I don't think after this all of us would get to be together that often anymore ............. Two years seem so short a period .......... We have managed to built a strong bond of friendship within that period , I will never forget them .
Even now I already missed them so much , miss yee yin ......... My soulmate .......... Wonder how is she enjoying herself in Taiwan ............................ I have to wait 20 days for her to come back ................ My god !!!!!! So torturing

2004-10-03T01:19:00.000+08:00

Today's article in the newspaper is about the increasing rate of students having mental problems .......... Don't know its for sure or not . But it is an opportunity for me to ask daddy once more about my ambitions , from my point of view ....... Taking psychology courses now is perfect . I won't worry about facing employment problems , and so on ...........
Furthermore , studying this is my dream ! But dad thinks its a waste of money , he wanted me to study something related to education ... Like going for teaching course ... bla ... And bla .......... Then go into education field and no need to worry about the problem of unemployment ............ But I don't want to !
Do I really have to listen to dad's idea and ignore my own? Do I need to do that just to please daddy? What if I don't listen to dad's advice?
I really want to know where will my dreams lead me if I choose to do things my way .....................
A part of me hopes to be like brother Ronald .......... At first he was thought to be a failure , but now look at him ! He leads a better life than our genius brother ....... He is happy and successful ....... But can I be like him ?
I am not as talented as he is in his multimedia field ...........

Stuck

2004-09-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

Today didn't go to school .......... Well its not like I'd have anything to do at school . So better to stay at home and do some revision and sleep as much as I like . I know I should study more ..... But I don't have the mood . I hate going to school and then see chee ann in class ........ I can't stand it anymore . Some more boon hui aren't going to school , so no transport home , and I hate taking public bus ......... Waiting for hours aren't fun ......... Its torturing .
Next Saturday we are going to boon hui's house ........... I don't feel like going when I get to know that chee ann is going ................... I don't want to talk to him , but its too cruel if he wanted to talk but I pretend not to hear .......... I can't do that . Not even if I hate him very much . Think it is better not to go , unless he is not going , or he will not talk to me.
I can't even chat with him in msn .............. First , like others .......... I can't understand what he is trying to tell , second ........... He acts like he knows me very well ..................... Maybe I should just tell him I have a boyfriend already or erm I like someone else ? Or is it better if I just say I am a lesbian ???
But all these sounds false .............. argh ...... Who can help me .......................????????????
Its been two years , I don't want this problem to hunt me anymore .......................

Life

2004-09-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

when I'm young , I liked aunt very very much . I thought she is very perfect , she takes care of me like her own ......... I never dreamed that one day , I'll have to see her in such a state asking for any help from us .
Because when I'm young , she and uncle are the one who helped us not the other way round . But things are very very much different now ................. I hate the idea that she is not what I thought the is , I don't want to see her like that , that's not what my lovely aunt supposed do . I don't like the idea of the things that happened lately .......................... Why is money so important ??? Why?? Aren't having a family to you and uncle ?
Remember the days when I slept on you tummy ......... That was so nice and comforting . I thought nothing will change between us . You will forever be my lovely aunt ............. But look at you now .......... What is wrong with you ????
I liked you so much , but now I don't know ............. It hurts very much to see you in this state but I can not help .......... You and uncle did a very big mistake
Not only both of your life were ruin , but your son's too . Look at him he is now 21 but still jobless and doesn't seem to care much about family and career ...................... Don't know what will become of him ..........

YEaY !!!!!!! Bye bye trial

2004-09-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

At last the trial exam is over ! I can sleep like a pig now for a while at least.
Ohhhhh .............. And the best thing is that my birthday is around the corner . Lets see ........... I must remind Ronald to buy me presents hehehhehehheheh ........ That's the most important thing . Then have to remind yee yin when is my birthday . Hahahhahah I know she will be annoyed , but I like to see her get angry . So cute , she is so soft spoken , even though she gets angry the most she will do is to scold me with a very soft voice . No wonder I like her best among all my friends .
I am so excited now , I can't sit still not to mention sleep . Tomorrow my aunts organize a party to celebrate my birthday I am soooooooooooo happy !!!!!!! Tra.........la ..................la ......... doink........ doink ........... I'm bouncing ..... boink ......... boink

blurr yean

2004-09-10T14:33:00.000+08:00

couldn't believe myself !!! maths is my only hope to get an A1 and i messed it up ! stupid me 32 divided by 2 = 17 aih....... think i am the only person in this world who would make such stupid mistakes ???????????
and english paper turned out to be disaster ! i can't think of much points so only wrote two pages ......... i am SO sure pn.leena will generously give me a C for this . I deserves it , i know i should have wrote more but , my mind shut down automatically so can't function properly ........
Add math is even worse aih .............. its better for me to just jump from klcc than to get so depress whenever i sit those exams ...........

But i am luckier than swee kee coz i weren't hit by a motor and have to undergo operation . Poor thing he have to stay at home for 2 months!!!! we all miss him so much ............... felt very guilty for not visiting him in the hospital . Hope he wouldn't mind

Working hard !!!

2004-09-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

huh ............. Pressure .......... Just looked around my class and I'll see lots of them studying . Though not all , but those geniuses they are literally absorbed in their own world ...... With lots of reference books and text books I think.
I tried to work half as much as them but ........ Seem like I would never be like one of them . Woke up two in the morning to study , but still I can't really answer those question correctly . My brain feels empty ....... I don't know how am I going to make it .
While I am worrying over my studies , mum asked me about my future plans ............ My god future plans!!!! Please give me a break , I don't even know if I get to pass my spm ,and you are talking about universities ???
I wonder whether I chosen the right stream .............. Maybe I am not up to this seemingly extra complicated science subject . Guess its just too naive of me to take up science stream without even knowing the subjects in details.
I thought that with a little bit of work I would be able to catch up............... But now I feels like crying . argh .................. I liked art . I have always had a penchant for art , but just art streams students in my former school is just too scary . Even though it is a girl school but they are as bad as those gangsters themselves .................
Drives me nuts every time thinking of the unpleasant thoughts of failing the exam ............. Feels like crying but no tears ........ I am too busy to even cry . Lucky me to have a place to express my feelings ....... My uneasiness . This is the only way to keep me sane .

Turning into a pig

2004-08-27T15:28:00.000+08:00

oh my ................... Lets see how much food have I taken this holiday . Oh ... First its my little nephew's first birthday and they served roast pig .... It was so tempting I just can't resist it ........ Then followed by amy's birthday ....... I knew I shouldn't eat so many chocolate coated strawberries but ........... waaaaaaaaa...... Its a pity not to taste it, god ........ If I keep on eating like that I know I will turn into the fattest girl on planet earth ............ But what to do???? I don't wanna torture myself .
even if I did try to watch my stomach ............ tyan and daddy will tempt me with my favorite food , so bad!!! Oh ......... Yummy the sweet taste of fresh cherries , I love them SO much . (see, I'll never succeed in cutting down my weight ) .
some more tomorrow is mom's birthday , she is organizing a party at sis ling's shop .......... So more food ................... argh ............. Don't know what to do .....

time is running out , I haven't finish my add maths project and my chemistry paper ............. Feels so lazy I need more time ! I haven't finish doing my revision but.......... Trial is on September 6th I don't have much time !!!!

Gone crazy with fury

2004-08-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

Stupid sis ! argh................................ I am so angry . Why is it everytime you did something wrong you will never admit it ?everytime you get me into trouble you will never apologize argh................... I hate this . I am not going to talk to you as long as you deny that it is your fault . i am not going to help you do things if you didn't say sorry ! i am not going to help you do anything or go watch movie with you ! i am very very very angry with you !!!!!!!!!!!!
you are a very very bad sis !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls day out

2004-08-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

My first time going out with friends Heidi ,siang yeng , chai hoong . I am so excited , the whole night I can't sleep well . Though part of the reason is because I caught a cold so busy sneezing can't sleep well .Heidi pick me up with her waja . Luckily her driving skills aren't that bad ,so we arrive safetly at mid valley . Well they sure are shopacholic ! We practically walked nonstop for few hours also they won't feel tired . Heidi is wearing high heels ! I wonder how can she stand wearing those shoes for so long . While I am now suffering from muscle pain for walking too long ..... Poor me .
The funniest thing was that our beauty (siang yeng) , she went crazy when she saw a group of Koreans ahead of us . Well I am not sure they look handsome or not , but then according to her they are super handsome .....Whatever . Since I am not interested in those guys ,so why take notice of them? For now , I like legolas .......... hehheheh later maybe it will be someone else ........ Just I am sooooooo sure it won't be chee ann that's all
God ! I hate those who try to make fun of me by saying that he likes me ! I'd rather marry William hung ! I really don't understand those guys in my class , what's so fun in coupling people in our class ? pls stop those stupid joke ,that is not funny at all ! Moreover , you guys are causing chee ann to think that I like him very very much , and he thinks that I like his odd look ! My god , save me .

Voice of the cochreaneans

2004-08-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

Cochrane , 39 going on 40 , moving out but not losing out .
although I am not a pure cochreanan but ......... I have been in that school for two years now , there is some sweet memories in that school .......... My first day in that school . yee mei - the first girl to talk to me .. I like her , my ears hurt very much everytime she speaks loudly . If not so, I don't think I can blend into that class so fast .
also , my first time taking part in cheerleading . Though I am not into dancing , but still this is a very very good experience for me . At that time I really feels good , knowing that everyone did their best to bring out the very best of ourselves and to show everyone we are capable of things beside studying . I hate those who always make fun of our class saying that we are a bunch of nerds that know nothing besides reading books.
the new school is not what we like , however we are considered lucky to have a new school ......... Just it is too small . I don't think the canteen can fit in the the whole form 5 . The assembly court makes me feels like a bird trapped inside a cage ......... I hate it . The only good news for us girls is that there are a lot of mirror everywhere we go . I think those boys likes that too , because a lot of them are more vain :p .

homealone

2004-08-18T20:21:00.000+08:00

why am i always left alone at home nowadays? is it that i am old enough to take care of myself?
.......... i know i should learn to take care of myself , but ......... i don't want to be left alone at home ! it is so scarry ....... summore now its july , heaven knows what wil happen ...... at school they keep on telling me stories that i don't want to listen ...... gosh!!
why do tyan have to go kedah at this time ??? why can't she stay at home??? why daddy and mummy have to choose to go seremban now????
i hate to stay at home without tyan .... how am i going to survive three days without her??? and only the first day i've already slept overtime without her waking me up ..........
i really don't dare to think of the consequences if she decide to go futher her studies elsewhere , i am so hopeless without this big sis of mine ..............

count down to SPM

2004-08-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

just few months away before our major exam . Really have no idea that what kind of result am i going to get . Don't know whether i tried hard enough or not ........ sometimes i just feels so fed up but i know if i give up now, my future will be ruin . I don't want to be normal , everyday working hard to earn money , leads a meaningless life ...... i don't want that! i am not going to be like that ....... but how am i going to fulfill my dreams?????? what am i gonna do??? i am so lost without any guidance ............ am i really that useless? hopeless?